Cat Ipsum

Love to play with owner’s hair tie. Gate keepers of hell. Chase laser i like big cats and i can not lie find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day yet cats are cute for scoot butt on the rug or slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish run outside as soon as door open. Swat at dog fight own tail but stare at ceiling, for chase red laser dot. Slap the dog because cats rule rub whiskers on bare skin act innocent chase ball of string nyan fluffness ahh cucumber! climb leg the best thing in the universe is a cardboard box, so mesmerizing birds. Crusty butthole stretch out on bed love to play with owner’s hair tie, being gorgeous with belly side up. Intently stare at the same spot jumps off balcony gives owner dead mouse at present then poops in litter box snatches yarn and fights with dog cat chases laser then plays in grass finds tiny spot in cupboard and sleeps all day jumps in bathtub and meows when owner fills food dish the cat knocks over the food dish cat slides down the water slide and into pool and swims even though it does not like water. Chase imaginary bugs the fat cat sat on the mat bat away with paws find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day purr when give birth and is good you understand your place in my world, munch, munch, chomp, chomp.

Mark territory love and coo around boyfriend who purrs and makes the perfect moonlight eyes so i can purr and swat the glittery gleaming yarn to him (the yarn is from a $125 sweater) and poop in litter box, scratch the walls your pillow is now my pet bed, stare at guinea pigs curl into a furry donut. Hunt by meowing loudly at 5am next to human slave food dispenser walk on keyboard for am in trouble, roll over, too cute for human to get mad. Meow meow, i tell my human meowzer good morning sunshine. White cat sleeps on a black shirt meow i am the best. Chase mice cats are cute. Push your water glass on the floor lick human with sandpaper tongue destroy couch as revenge jump off balcony, onto stranger’s head ptracy. I bet my nine lives on you-oooo-ooo-hooo chase red laser dot but i hate cucumber pls dont throw it at me. Poop on the floor, break a planter, sprint, eat own hair, vomit hair, hiss, chirp at birds, eat a squirrel, hide from fireworks, lick toe beans, attack christmas tree trip owner up in kitchen i want food meow meow, i tell my human or headbutt owner’s knee or blow up sofa in 3 seconds and sit on the laptop. Pretend you want to go out but then don’t chirp at birds, for eats owners hair then claws head for woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now catch mouse and gave it as a present what a cat-ass-trophy!, behind the couch. Under the bed hide head under blanket so no one can see so meow but be a nyan cat, feel great about it, be annoying 24/7 poop rainbows in litter box all day. As lick i the shoes sit on the laptop for carefully drink from water glass and then spill it everywhere and proceed to lick the puddle so has closed eyes but still sees you or mesmerizing birds for headbutt owner’s knee meow all night. Somehow manage to catch a bird but have no idea what to do next, so play with it until it dies of shock i show my fluffy belly but it’s a trap! if you pet it i will tear up your hand, stand with legs in litter box, but poop outside, woops poop hanging from butt must get rid run run around house drag poop on floor maybe it comes off woops left brown marks on floor human slave clean lick butt now good morning sunshine destroy the blinds. Bring your owner a dead bird with tail in the air groom yourself 4 hours – checked, have your beauty sleep 18 hours – checked, be fabulous for the rest of the day – checked so bleghbleghvomit my furball really tie the room together chew the plant slap owner’s face at 5am until human fills food dish but tweeting a baseball. Pose purrfectly to show my beauty. What a cat-ass-trophy! litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me, instead of drinking water from the cat bowl, make sure to steal water from the toilet. Rub face on everything. Licks your face scratch me there, elevator butt for attempt to leap between furniture but woefully miscalibrate and bellyflop onto the floor; what’s your problem? i meant to do that now i shall wash myself intently yet ask for petting fart in owners food kitty power or i vomit in the bed in the middle of the night. Howl uncontrollably for no reason steal the warm chair right after you get up yet attack feet. Why use post when this sofa is here experiences short bursts of poo-phoria after going to the loo, i am the best yet sitting in a box poop in litter box, scratch the walls.

Jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans wake up human for food at 4am for skid on floor, crash into wall for sniff sniff but do doodoo in the litter-box, clickityclack on the piano, be frumpygrumpy. A nice warm laptop for me to sit on whatever lies down you call this cat food loves cheeseburgers and wack the mini furry mouse. Cough hairball on conveniently placed pants relentlessly pursues moth, for get my claw stuck in the dog’s ear love me!, and destroy house in 5 seconds yet poop in litter box, scratch the walls. Eat the rubberband stare out the window but decide to want nothing to do with my owner today drool. Eat prawns daintily with a claw then lick paws clean wash down prawns with a lap of carnation milk then retire to the warmest spot on the couch to claw at the fabric before taking a catnap. I heard this rumor where the humans are our owners, pfft, what do they know?! sun bathe lick master’s hand at first then bite because im moody. Hack up furballs. Scoot butt on the rug kitty poochy so at four in the morning wake up owner meeeeeeooww scratch at legs and beg for food then cry and yowl until they wake up at two pm jump on window and sleep while observing the bootyful cat next door that u really like but who already has a boyfriend end up making babies with her and let her move in. Scamper pounce on unsuspecting person. Spit up on light gray carpet instead of adjacent linoleum dismember a mouse and then regurgitate parts of it on the family room floor mouse. Play with twist ties make it to the carpet before i vomit mmmmmm so where is my slave? I’m getting hungry, so cats secretly make all the worlds muffins hack, yet kitty poochy jump on human and sleep on her all night long be long in the bed, purr in the morning and then give a bite to every human around for not waking up request food, purr loud scratch the walls, the floor, the windows, the humans. Get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper lick butt litter kitter kitty litty little kitten big roar roar feed me but my cat stared at me he was sipping his tea, too for always ensure to lay down in such a manner that tail can lightly brush human’s nose all of a sudden cat goes crazy, and kitty loves pigs. Inspect anything brought into the house jump five feet high and sideways when a shadow moves yet give me some of your food give me some of your food give me some of your food meh, i don’t want it, hopped up on catnip. Sit and stare asdflkjaertvlkjasntvkjn (sits on keyboard) swat turds around the house i rule on my back you rub my tummy i bite you hard and meow all night demand to be let outside at once, and expect owner to wait for me as i think about it that box? i can fit in that box. Chase mice snuggles up to shoulders or knees and purrs you to sleep but sleep on dog bed, force dog to sleep on floor so mark territory. If it fits, i sits please let me outside pouty face yay! wait, it’s cold out please let me inside pouty face oh, thank you rub against mommy’s leg oh it looks so nice out, please let me outside again the neighbor cat was mean to me please let me back inside but sit by the fire always hungry or hit you unexpectedly sniff catnip and act crazy find empty spot in cupboard and sleep all day. Oooo! dangly balls! jump swat swing flies so sweetly to the floor crash move on wash belly nap cat sit like bread but sleep nap, and ccccccccccccaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttssssssssssssssss for if it fits, i sits and shove bum in owner’s face like camera lens get suspicious of own shadow then go play with toilette paper. Hell is other people cat jumps and falls onto the couch purrs and wakes up in a new dimension filled with kitty litter meow meow yummy there is a bunch of cats hanging around eating catnip what the heck just happened, something feels fishy, so do i like standing on litter cuz i sits when i have spaces, my cat buddies have no litter i live in luxury cat life licks your face but hiss at vacuum cleaner. Jump on fridge there’s a forty year old lady there let us feast annoy owner until he gives you food say meow repeatedly until belly rubs, feels good yet open the door, let me out, let me out, let me-out, let me-aow, let meaow, meaow! i want to go outside let me go outside nevermind inside is better. Demand to have some of whatever the human is cooking, then sniff the offering and walk away refuse to drink water except out of someone’s glass stares at human while pushing stuff off a table. Adventure always. Mew i can haz ooooh feather moving feather! and meow for food, then when human fills food dish, take a few bites of food and continue meowing adventure always yet run around the house at 4 in the morning.